"In The Fate of The Elephant, there is discussed an idea involving the ultimate value of the spoken word, whereby it is meaningless and is ineffective in many cases when a person finds herself lost, insistently curious about rather less conversant conversation."
i miss isaac
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
let me tell you about this dream i had
ok. i had this dream the night before last night. it was really vivid and i remembered all these details, yet it was totally mundane at the same time. i wrote it down so i can make a practice of keeping a dream journal. ready? let's go
i dreamed that i went out looking for a job with my mother. we were in this shopping center and i saw this big, futuristic-looking building with all these interesting angles and walkways that went across the street. somehow i knew this was an apple office and though i had no idea what the did there, i decided i wanted to work there. i went inside and started exploring. there was no one around, but there were tons of giant mac computers and everyone's stuff was all around- coats, purses, etc. the building was very messy and not as cool on the inside. i came upon this random bedroom that was the same design as my old high school bedroom but different furniture and a hardwood floor. there was a desk in between the windows and i started opening various drawers. the first two were empty except for a few pushpins, but the third was overflowing with panty hose of all different colors. i couldn't close it all the way and i knew "they" would know i'd been in there. all the while, i could hear a shower running in an attached bathroom. it had been going for quite some time and i had the distinct feeling that someone had committed suicide in it. i felt very nervous and left the bedroom. as i paced the corridors of the office, i realized that i could take anyone's stuff since it was all out in the open. i picked up a small fushia purse and found lots of money inside. i took out a twenty but remembered that there were probably video cameras so i put it back in. i got really scared and ran back into the bedroom for safety purposes but found that there were cameras in there too. suddenly i realized it was my sister meredith in the shower and she shouted at me to tell mom that she wanted moe's for lunch (wtf i know). i said ok and ran downstairs. i found my mother in a kitchen making these little sandwich things that were just ritz cracker-sized pieces of bread with peanut butter on top- there were plates and plates of these, like she was preparing for a party. there was also one plate of cheese sandwich things that were each in their own individual container. i tried to put wax paper on a peanut butter plate so i could carry it to my sister but my mom yelled at me to stop. then she pulled out these pictures that were film stills of the surveillance camera footage- she had a picture of me stealing the $20. we laughed about it and my sister came downstairs to join us. there happened to be one of those giant mac computers at the kitchen table and my sister used it to show me a video of this girl smiling, which morphed into a different girl smiling in the same position, then back to the first, etc. then i woke up.
i've never remembered so much detail in a dream.
i dreamed that i went out looking for a job with my mother. we were in this shopping center and i saw this big, futuristic-looking building with all these interesting angles and walkways that went across the street. somehow i knew this was an apple office and though i had no idea what the did there, i decided i wanted to work there. i went inside and started exploring. there was no one around, but there were tons of giant mac computers and everyone's stuff was all around- coats, purses, etc. the building was very messy and not as cool on the inside. i came upon this random bedroom that was the same design as my old high school bedroom but different furniture and a hardwood floor. there was a desk in between the windows and i started opening various drawers. the first two were empty except for a few pushpins, but the third was overflowing with panty hose of all different colors. i couldn't close it all the way and i knew "they" would know i'd been in there. all the while, i could hear a shower running in an attached bathroom. it had been going for quite some time and i had the distinct feeling that someone had committed suicide in it. i felt very nervous and left the bedroom. as i paced the corridors of the office, i realized that i could take anyone's stuff since it was all out in the open. i picked up a small fushia purse and found lots of money inside. i took out a twenty but remembered that there were probably video cameras so i put it back in. i got really scared and ran back into the bedroom for safety purposes but found that there were cameras in there too. suddenly i realized it was my sister meredith in the shower and she shouted at me to tell mom that she wanted moe's for lunch (wtf i know). i said ok and ran downstairs. i found my mother in a kitchen making these little sandwich things that were just ritz cracker-sized pieces of bread with peanut butter on top- there were plates and plates of these, like she was preparing for a party. there was also one plate of cheese sandwich things that were each in their own individual container. i tried to put wax paper on a peanut butter plate so i could carry it to my sister but my mom yelled at me to stop. then she pulled out these pictures that were film stills of the surveillance camera footage- she had a picture of me stealing the $20. we laughed about it and my sister came downstairs to join us. there happened to be one of those giant mac computers at the kitchen table and my sister used it to show me a video of this girl smiling, which morphed into a different girl smiling in the same position, then back to the first, etc. then i woke up.
i've never remembered so much detail in a dream.
every time i'm supposed to be productive, things happen
one time i read these lil stories for way, way too long
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
i've always loved this
WHAT THE WATER FEELS LIKE TO THE FISHES
Like the fur of a chinchilla. Like the cleanest tooth. Yes, the fishes say, this is what it feels like. People always ask the fishes, "What does the water feel like to you?" and the fishes are always happy to oblige. Like feathers are to other feathers, they say. Like powder touching ash. When the fishes tell us these things, we begin to understand. We begin to think we know what the water feels like to the fishes. But it's not always like fur and ash and the cleanest tooth. At night, they say, the water can be different. At night, when it's very cold, the water is like cracked glass. Or honey. Or forgiveness, they say, ha ha. When the fishes answer these questions- which they are always happy to do- they also ask why. They are curious, fish are, and thus they ask, Why? And we are never quite sure. The fishes press further. Do you breathe air? they ask. The answer, we say, is yes. Well then, they say, What does the air feel like to you? And we do not know. We think of air and we think of wind, but that's another thing. Wind is air in action, air on the move, and the fishes know this. Well then, they ask again, what does the air feel like? And we have to think about this. Air feels like air, we say, and the fishes laugh mirthlessly. Think! they say. Think, they say, now gentler. And we think and we guess that it feels like hair, thousands of hairs, swaying ever so slightly in breezes microscopic. The fishes laugh again. Do better, think harder, they say. It feels like language, we say, and they are impressed. Keep going, they say. It feels like blood, we say, and they say, No, no, that's not it. The air is like being wanted, we say, and they nod approvingly. The air is like getting older, we say, and they touch our arms gently.
- dave eggers
Like the fur of a chinchilla. Like the cleanest tooth. Yes, the fishes say, this is what it feels like. People always ask the fishes, "What does the water feel like to you?" and the fishes are always happy to oblige. Like feathers are to other feathers, they say. Like powder touching ash. When the fishes tell us these things, we begin to understand. We begin to think we know what the water feels like to the fishes. But it's not always like fur and ash and the cleanest tooth. At night, they say, the water can be different. At night, when it's very cold, the water is like cracked glass. Or honey. Or forgiveness, they say, ha ha. When the fishes answer these questions- which they are always happy to do- they also ask why. They are curious, fish are, and thus they ask, Why? And we are never quite sure. The fishes press further. Do you breathe air? they ask. The answer, we say, is yes. Well then, they say, What does the air feel like to you? And we do not know. We think of air and we think of wind, but that's another thing. Wind is air in action, air on the move, and the fishes know this. Well then, they ask again, what does the air feel like? And we have to think about this. Air feels like air, we say, and the fishes laugh mirthlessly. Think! they say. Think, they say, now gentler. And we think and we guess that it feels like hair, thousands of hairs, swaying ever so slightly in breezes microscopic. The fishes laugh again. Do better, think harder, they say. It feels like language, we say, and they are impressed. Keep going, they say. It feels like blood, we say, and they say, No, no, that's not it. The air is like being wanted, we say, and they nod approvingly. The air is like getting older, we say, and they touch our arms gently.
- dave eggers
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
this is an old song, these are old blues
And bless you, and I deeply do
No longer resolute, oh and I call to you
But the water got so cold
And you do lose what you don't hold
Saturday, October 11, 2008
premonition
i had a dream the other night about driving to williamsburg, and was awoken by my mom calling to tell me she was going to williamsburg. WEIRD RIGHT???
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
my t button is broken on my laptop and i have to copy and paste every single one
ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh
Thursday, September 4, 2008
weirdest thing i overheard today:
"when it dies, we're eating it."
i didn't have any context clues either.
i didn't have any context clues either.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
ordinarily,
we look at something and our gaze is like a fine wire or taut thread with two supports- one being the eye and the other what it sees, and there's some great support structure for every second that passes; but at this particular second, on the contrary, it is rather as though something painfully sweet were pulling our eye-beams apart.
-robert musil, from "the man without qualities"
-robert musil, from "the man without qualities"
Monday, September 1, 2008
i want to make a tent in my room
like this where i can close the curtains and my eyes and turn out all the lights but one and listen to kria brekkan and pretend that i am limitless.
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